I want to have your abortion
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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