I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
