for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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