Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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