Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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