everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
