I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
