I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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