Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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