Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
