i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
