fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Randomize
