And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
