The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
