I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
