and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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