Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
