Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
