I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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