You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
