Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
