is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
