i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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