actually, I'm a sock model
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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