then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i think im in europe. pls send help
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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