So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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