Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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