Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Randomize
