dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
