I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
