i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
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Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
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My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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