I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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