At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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