some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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