I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
