as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
