Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
