As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
