my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
