wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
No subtext here. People are naked.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
