1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
