I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Swine flu is the new snow day.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
