so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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