and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
