Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
