When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?