Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
