I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"