saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
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I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
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So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
At a point I was just cumming dust last night