We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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