I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
