Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.