my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
ok first of all what the fuck
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
