I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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