she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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