I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
