It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
