another moral hangover. fuck.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
