She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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