Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Dignity is for republicans.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
