Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
