Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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