You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
