Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
