i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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