K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
