11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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