I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Less talking, more tequila
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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