im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
