I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
