you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
