I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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