i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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