high people should be assigned attendants
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
