Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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