I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just want to make out with him forever
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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