I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
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Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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