Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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