Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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