It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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