so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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