Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
