DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
